Battered men: the painful truth

Facing up to the problem

Unfortunately, awareness of the problem of abused men has been slow to come.

R. L. McNeely, Ph.D., professor of social welfare at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and co-author of several groundbreaking reports on domestic violence, attributes that, in part, to society's long-standing belief that men are typically stronger than women: how could big, strong men possibly be injured by "the weaker sex?"

Armin Brott, in a 1993 Washington Post story, noted that even police officers often discount men's claims of abuse, assuming the men are exaggerating their injuries or that the woman involved was merely trying to defend herself. In one police report, a man identified as "Stanley G." was described by an officer as having been "pawed" by his wife and suffering scratches on his back and face. The official hospital report of the same incident noted that Stanley G. had suffered multiple bruises, abrasions, and lacerations, "chest wall contusion," and psychological trauma.

Not just fists and nails

Those who view female-on-male violence as a ridiculous case of "Olive Oyl vs. Bluto" are overlooking one fact: the vast majority of such violence involves the use of weapons, according to a 1984 study of 6,200 domestic assaults. Thanks to the equalizing effects of guns, knives, boiling water, bricks, and baseball bats, women and men are equally capable of seriously assaulting a domestic partner.

The similarities between the sexes don't end there.

According to Dr. McNeely, women lash out for the same reasons men do. "There are four main reasons for inflicting violence," he says:

• As a response to something that was said or threatened
• To get a partner to do something
• To stop a partner from doing something
• As a method by which one partner gets the attention of the other

In addition, battered men, like battered women, are likely to stay in an abusive relationship for the sake of the children in the household.

"A high percentage of men who suffer abuse are trying to protect their children against abuse," Dr. McNeely notes. "And if they seek a divorce, they risk losing the children."

Finding help and hope

Gender similarities end, though, when it comes to getting help. While awareness is growing, the lack of public concern for battered men means that very few social agencies currently exist to help them. And the abiding stigma of being an abused man means that very few victims are going to step into the spotlight to demand them.

The Internet offers one avenue for help. Newsgroups and web sites have made it possible for victims, counselors, researchers, and others to connect in a shame-free environment. While some victims want only to vent against women (particularly feminists), many others are using the Internet to find community, a place where they can share their feelings with other abused men and discover they are not alone.

Support is also beginning to come from some social service agencies that have previously served only battered women.

For example, the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP) in Duluth, Minnesota, is a community-based program for intervention in cases of domestic abuse. DAIP works as a liaison between local agencies that include the 911 call center, police, prosecutors, women's shelters, and mental health agencies. Although DAIP primarily serves abused women, it also works with those women who have been court-ordered to attend nonviolence classes. In addition, the organization has recently developed its own specialized curriculum for women who use violence.

Although society's laughter is fading, abused men and battering women must still work to seek out the help they need to heal relationships, manage their emotions, and rebuild families. But help can be found.