by Robert Bittner
Mention \"battered men\" and some people still wonder, \"So, what's the rest of the
joke?\" For centuries, men who have been abused by women have been laughed at,
ridiculed, and publicly humiliated.
Today, society is awakening to the fact that domestic violence—physical abuse
between men and women—is a problem that goes beyond gender stereotypes. A
variety of studies conducted since 1975 have shown that men and women are
equally likely to abuse and to be abused.
In other words, domestic abuse is a \"human\" problem. And battered men, like
battered women, need help.
Facing up to the problem
Unfortunately, awareness of the problem of abused men has been slow to come.
R. L. McNeely, Ph.D., professor of social welfare at the University of
Wisconsin-Milwaukee and co-author of several groundbreaking reports on domestic
violence, attributes that, in part, to society's long-standing belief that men
are typically stronger than women: how could big, strong men possibly be injured
by \"the weaker sex?\"
Armin Brott, in a 1993 Washington Post story, noted that even police officers
often discount men's claims of abuse, assuming the men are exaggerating their
injuries or that the woman involved was merely trying to defend herself. In one
police report, a man identified as \"Stanley G.\" was described by an officer as
having been \"pawed\" by his wife and suffering scratches on his back and face.
The official hospital report of the same incident noted that Stanley G. had
suffered multiple bruises, abrasions, and lacerations, \"chest wall contusion,\"
and psychological trauma.
Not just fists and nails
Those who view female-on-male violence as a ridiculous case of \"Olive Oyl vs.
Bluto\" are overlooking one fact: the vast majority of such violence involves the
use of weapons, according to a 1984 study of 6,200 domestic assaults. Thanks to
the equalizing effects of guns, knives, boiling water, bricks, and baseball
bats, women and men are equally capable of seriously assaulting a domestic
partner.
The similarities between the sexes don't end there.
According to Dr. McNeely, women lash out for the same reasons men do. \"There are
four main reasons for inflicting violence,\" he says:
- As a response to something that was said or threatened
- To get a partner to do something
- To stop a partner from doing something
- As a method by which one partner gets the attention of the other
In addition, battered men, like battered women, are likely to stay in an
abusive relationship for the sake of the children in the household.
\"A high percentage of men who suffer abuse are trying to protect their children
against abuse,\" Dr. McNeely notes. \"And if they seek a divorce, they risk losing
the children.\"
Finding help and hope
Gender similarities end, though, when it comes to getting help. While
awareness is growing, the lack of public concern for battered men means that
very few social agencies currently exist to help them. And the abiding stigma of
being an abused man means that very few victims are going to step into the
spotlight to demand them.
The Internet offers one avenue for help. Newsgroups and web sites have made it
possible for victims, counselors, researchers, and others to connect in a
shame-free environment. While some victims want only to vent against women
(particularly feminists), many others are using the Internet to find community,
a place where they can share their feelings with other abused men and discover
they are not alone.
Support is also beginning to come from some social service agencies that have
previously served only battered women.
For example, the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP) in Duluth,
Minnesota, is a community-based program for intervention in cases of domestic
abuse. DAIP works as a liaison between local agencies that include the 911 call
center, police, prosecutors, women's shelters, and mental health agencies.
Although DAIP primarily serves abused women, it also works with those women who
have been court-ordered to attend nonviolence classes. In addition, the
organization has recently developed its own specialized curriculum for women who
use violence.
Although society's laughter is fading, abused men and battering women must still
work to seek out the help they need to heal relationships, manage their
emotions, and rebuild families. But help can be found.