Bisexuality: still in the closet

by Deborah Mitchell

There are several myths and misconceptions surrounding bisexuality?the least talked-about sexual orientation.

Charlene is a thin, articulate woman in her early 50s. In her younger days she was married for more than a decade, and since her divorce has had a few "meaningful relationships" with both men and women. When asked if she considers herself a lesbian, a heterosexual, or a bisexual, she shrugs. "Do I really need to label myself? If people want to label me, let them. I can't help who I fall in love with. Men, women?we are all God's creations."

The words "gay," "lesbian," and "heterosexual" conjure up very specific images and definitions for most people. These labels also define how most of us will treat or interact with each other.

But the word "bisexual" invokes uncertainty for many people, and uncertainty makes many people uncomfortable. In 1975, anthropologist Margaret Mead said in a Redbook article that "the time has come, I think, when we must recognize bisexuality as a normal form of human behavior." But 25 years later, most people still have not done so.

The Bisexual Resource Center, a nonprofit organization in Massachusetts, defines bisexuality as "the potential to feel sexually attracted to and to engage in sensual or sexual relationships with people of either sex." Bisexuals may or may not be equally attracted to men and women, and their attractions may change over time and with different partners. In other words, says David Rostcheck, president of the Center, "people are a lot more fluid than the stereotypes."

A common myth about bisexuals is that they are sexually involved with both men and women at the same time. Bisexuals, like people of any sexual orientation, have various relationships. And, like people in general, being attracted to someone does not mean the desire is acted upon sexually.

"People who are bisexual and open about it tend to receive grief from both gay and straight people and are subject to a lot of stereotypes," says Mark Zepezauer, editor of Bi Men's Lives: Bisexual Men Tell Their Stories (See Sharp Press, 2000). "They're told they're just going through a phase, they haven't made up their mind and will settle on one or the other. Or since you're bisexual you can't possibly be monogamous, you can't be trusted."

Another common misconception is that bisexuals are major carriers of AIDS. "It's not so much sexuality that carries AIDS, [rather] it's unsafe sex by everybody," says Zepezauer. These stigmas about bisexuality prevent people from speaking up about their sexual preferences.

In the 1940s, sexologist Alfred Kinsey categorized sexual preferences using his "Kinsey Scale," a seven-point scale in which people identified themselves as exclusively heterosexual (score of zero), exclusively homosexual (six), or somewhere in between. Kinsey found that nearly 50% of men and about 25% of women reported having sexual experiences with both men and women. That a large part of the population crossed into the "gray" area of bisexuality was, for Kinsey, an example of how "the living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects." He noted that "only the human mind?tries to force facts into separated pigeon-holes." People will understand the realities of sex, he said, when they accept the fluidity of human sexual behavior.

Zepezauer is helping people reach this understanding. While interviewing bisexuals for his book, he discovered that "there is no one truth about what it is to be bisexual. People's sexuality is on a spectrum from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual, but people move around on that scale throughout their lives."

Zepezauer found that many people define their sexuality based on whom they're with rather than where they are on Kinsey's scale. "You find people who have been heterosexual for many years changing their sexuality because of a relationship with a same-sex individual, and vice versa. People's sexuality is not always how they define themselves, and the way they define their sexuality is not necessarily the way they behave sexually." Quite simply, he says, "people's lives are a lot more complicated than a one-word description."

For example, some women who call themselves lesbians have sex with men, and some men who regard themselves as straight have sex with men. "It's not so much that these people are being dishonest with themselves or the public," he says, "as that their sexual identity means something else to them than who they have sex with." He interviewed many happily married men who occasionally or often had sex with men, yet didn't identify themselves as bisexual.

Because many people are reluctant to admit they are bisexual and because research is scarce, it's difficult to know what percentage of the population is bisexual. Despite the high numbers suggested by Kinsey, bisexuals have remained largely invisible.

In Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everyday Life (Routledge, 2000), author and Harvard professor Marjorie Garber notes that many famous homosexuals or people the gay community has named as its heroes are or were probably bisexual and that their encounters with the opposite sex are simply glossed over. She says this is also so with people portrayed in the media as "straight."

Whether bisexuality is genetic, a conscious choice, the result of socialization, or a combination of factors is unknown. Margaret Mead believed that "even a superficial look at other societies and some groups in our own society should be enough to convince us that a very large number of human beings?probably a majority?are bisexual in their potential capacity for love." She believed people's sexual choices are the result of the way "they have been brought up, of the particular beliefs and prejudices of the society they live in and, to some extent, of their own life history."

The doors are opening, albeit slowly. Although somewhat of an antithesis given its puritanical ancestors, Boston is considered the hub of bisexual activism. The site of "Celebrate Bisexuality Day" and the "Fall Bi Ball," Boston has numerous organizations and activities for bisexuals.

The activists' goals are very straightforward?to build a community for people who are confused or need help, to combat discrimination, and to bring about an awareness of the complexities of bisexuality.

In speaking of his own bisexuality, James Dean said, "I'm certainly not going to go through life with one hand tied behind my back." But to free the hands of bisexuals and the minds of the general public will take time. Rostcheck believes many people are becoming more comfortable with sexuality and, as a byproduct, with bisexuality. He attributes much of this increasing awareness to the Internet and the media.

"There's more sexuality on TV and more realistic portrayals of homosexuals," he says, while the Internet allows people to satisfy their curiosity about sexual issues in private.