by Wendy J. Meyeroff
Leisure: The time for doing something useful. Nathaniel Howe
This quote exemplifies the "Puritan Ethic" that was popular in 18th century America, emphasizing that hard work would bring rewards in the hereafter. But with a five-day work week and today's technology, we've learned how to relax without feeling guilty, right?
Apparently not. We no longer view evenings, weekends, and the holiday season as down time. Instead, they're used to fulfill additional commitments to doing something "useful." The average woman's datebook, crammed full of networking parties, fund-raising events, and family obligations, bears mute testimony to the fact that we're still embracing Mr. Howe's definition of "leisure."
Stress: an American heritage In many ways, the American heritage is incompatible with a leisure mentality. Almost every American is indebted to immigrant forebears who believed that anything was possible in the "land of opportunity" with hard work.
By contrast, Europeans have almost made relaxation an art. Witness the English tea break or the Spanish siesta. Even our cliches reflect our different attitudes. Frenchmen shrug "C'est la vie," while Americans takes a deep breath and say, "The difficult we do at once, the impossible takes a little longer."
Are we having fun yet? More than 5,000 years ago, Moses pointed out to Pharaoh that burnout made it counter-productive to work one's slaves seven days a week. But how does one learn to stop working and relax? The first step, say the experts, is to stop thinking of "leisure" as "doing nothing."
"Following one's instincts and inclinations is critical to a true sense of relaxation," according to psychoanalyst Dr. Herbert Weinshank, M.D. of Reston, Va.. "Legislating feelings which is what most of us try and do really doesn't work. [Instead], just experience them."
How you feel is a pretty good yardstick of whether your relaxation methods are working. If you generally exhibit high spirits and good humor in whatever form of relaxation you undertake be it practicing yoga, taking three weeks off to worship the sun, or designing stained glass then relaxation is working for you. Dr. Weinshank warns that some people don't want to relax in the accepted "lie-in-a-hammock" sense. "It would be dangerous to force them," he notes. "Many workaholics use constant activity to 'escape' from something consciously or otherwise."
Dr. Robin Goodman, Ph.D., of New York University Medical Center agrees that everyone has to find the 'relaxation' that suits her own personality. "Some people are managers, used to controlling others," she says. "They might need a form of relaxation that involves some sort of team effort." Similarly, the so-called Type A personality probably finds planning and organizing the holiday dinner less stressful than sitting back and letting her daughters take over.
Today's technology, says Goodman, means we each have to decide what risks we're willing to take in exchange for quiet time. Goodman notes that one of her Jewish colleagues has made it clear that his Sabbath is sacred. "He'll accept no phone calls [faxes or anything else] relating to business." If that means he doesn't get promoted, or gets promoted slower than others, he accepts that.
Really get into the spirit Rabbi Yehudah Schwartz of Brooklyn, N.Y. notes that misconceptions notwithstanding, the Sabbath in any religion is a time not of idleness but of many activities. "It's just that the things we do on the Sabbath reading the Bible, gathering the family for dinner, group prayer are departures from the mundane activities with which we're obsessed during the week."
And ultimately, say the experts, that's the real message we should absorb when it comes to the holidays. Focus on the enjoyment of the season, not the obligations. Ask yourself, "How can I make this less stressful?" For example, says Goodman, if you always cook the holiday meal and wash the dishes, why not let someone clean up? Is it really that important if the kitchen isn't as neat as you would leave it? Another option: Instead of trying to create an elaborate Martha Stewart-type dinner that will really do you in, arrange for everyone to come after dinner for a dessert exchange with each person bringing a favorite dessert. Then, serve a variety of teas and coffees, sit back, and enjoy.
Take that, Nathaniel Howe!
Leisure: The time for doing something useful. Nathaniel Howe
This quote exemplifies the "Puritan Ethic" that was popular in 18th century America, emphasizing that hard work would bring rewards in the hereafter. But with a five-day work week and today's technology, we've learned how to relax without feeling guilty, right?
Apparently not. We no longer view evenings, weekends, and the holiday season as down time. Instead, they're used to fulfill additional commitments to doing something "useful." The average woman's datebook, crammed full of networking parties, fund-raising events, and family obligations, bears mute testimony to the fact that we're still embracing Mr. Howe's definition of "leisure."
Stress: an American heritage In many ways, the American heritage is incompatible with a leisure mentality. Almost every American is indebted to immigrant forebears who believed that anything was possible in the "land of opportunity" with hard work.
By contrast, Europeans have almost made relaxation an art. Witness the English tea break or the Spanish siesta. Even our cliches reflect our different attitudes. Frenchmen shrug "C'est la vie," while Americans takes a deep breath and say, "The difficult we do at once, the impossible takes a little longer."
Are we having fun yet? More than 5,000 years ago, Moses pointed out to Pharaoh that burnout made it counter-productive to work one's slaves seven days a week. But how does one learn to stop working and relax? The first step, say the experts, is to stop thinking of "leisure" as "doing nothing."
"Following one's instincts and inclinations is critical to a true sense of relaxation," according to psychoanalyst Dr. Herbert Weinshank, M.D. of Reston, Va.. "Legislating feelings which is what most of us try and do really doesn't work. [Instead], just experience them."
How you feel is a pretty good yardstick of whether your relaxation methods are working. If you generally exhibit high spirits and good humor in whatever form of relaxation you undertake be it practicing yoga, taking three weeks off to worship the sun, or designing stained glass then relaxation is working for you. Dr. Weinshank warns that some people don't want to relax in the accepted "lie-in-a-hammock" sense. "It would be dangerous to force them," he notes. "Many workaholics use constant activity to 'escape' from something consciously or otherwise."
Dr. Robin Goodman, Ph.D., of New York University Medical Center agrees that everyone has to find the 'relaxation' that suits her own personality. "Some people are managers, used to controlling others," she says. "They might need a form of relaxation that involves some sort of team effort." Similarly, the so-called Type A personality probably finds planning and organizing the holiday dinner less stressful than sitting back and letting her daughters take over.
Today's technology, says Goodman, means we each have to decide what risks we're willing to take in exchange for quiet time. Goodman notes that one of her Jewish colleagues has made it clear that his Sabbath is sacred. "He'll accept no phone calls [faxes or anything else] relating to business." If that means he doesn't get promoted, or gets promoted slower than others, he accepts that.
Really get into the spirit Rabbi Yehudah Schwartz of Brooklyn, N.Y. notes that misconceptions notwithstanding, the Sabbath in any religion is a time not of idleness but of many activities. "It's just that the things we do on the Sabbath reading the Bible, gathering the family for dinner, group prayer are departures from the mundane activities with which we're obsessed during the week."
And ultimately, say the experts, that's the real message we should absorb when it comes to the holidays. Focus on the enjoyment of the season, not the obligations. Ask yourself, "How can I make this less stressful?" For example, says Goodman, if you always cook the holiday meal and wash the dishes, why not let someone clean up? Is it really that important if the kitchen isn't as neat as you would leave it? Another option: Instead of trying to create an elaborate Martha Stewart-type dinner that will really do you in, arrange for everyone to come after dinner for a dessert exchange with each person bringing a favorite dessert. Then, serve a variety of teas and coffees, sit back, and enjoy.
Take that, Nathaniel Howe!