Shattering the myth of the perfect body

by Jeff Siegel

When Mary Cowser went off to college, getting an education was not the only thing on her mind. She was driven by the need to lose weight.

"I was convinced I wasn't thin enough," says Mary, a 30-something vice president for business development for a Dallas real estate company. "We were brought up to believe that our appearance was a measure of our self-worth, and we were taught to look nice so men would like us."

It's not hard to figure out why Mary felt that way, and why millions of American women still feel that way. Everywhere they look movies, television, mail order catalogues, or magazines women are confronted by body shapes that they probably don't have, but feel they need, to ensure a successful sexual and intimate relationship.

American women seem to be convinced that their significant others want to run off with every blonde that has long legs, luscious breasts, and dewy, youthful skin. But it's not necessarily so.

"You have to remember that beauty is a cultural thing," says Marilyn Fithian, PhD, of the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, California. "Every culture has different perceptions. But remember that the ideals we hold as beautiful that we see in the magazines are the exceptions. That's why they're in the magazines. After all, if gold wasn't scarce, it wouldn't be valuable."

This, unfortunately, is a concept that seems alien to many women. There are dozens of studies that point to the truth of Dr. Fithian's words. One survey discovered that while men prefer women with an average, balanced body type, women seemed to think that they needed to be skinnier to attain their ideal body type. Another study revealed the startling fact that men aren't overwhelmed by enormous breasts, and certainly don't lust for them as much as women think men do. A third study found that men find their lover's eyes more attractive than such stereotypical parts as the waist, the butt, hips, and legs.

What's even more amazing is that this attitude persists in the final years of the 20th century. The women's movement, with its emphasis on talent and ability instead of beauty and good looks, is two generations old. Women have opportunities that their mothers and grandmothers couldn't imagine. Yet many women are still obsessed with appearance and continue to make judgments based on physical appearance, and not on inner beauty and strength.

The explanation appears to be three-sided. Part of it may be chemical, based on body secretions called "pheromones." Part of it is apparently cultural, based on 4000 years of Western tradition. And part of it is an especially American phenomenon, based on the media presence that touches every corner of life in the United States.

Scientists know that animals use pheromones to woo the opposite sex, but have been baffled in their attempts to figure out how pheromones work in humans other than that they work in some fashion. That presents a truly post-modern dilemma: How much of sexual attraction is mental, based on a rational and carefully considered evaluation of needs, and how much of it is based on millions of years of primal programming? That, more than anything, may help explain the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit phenomenon, when millions of otherwise sensible men stand in front of checkout lines drooling with anticipation.

The ideal standard of beauty varies from culture to culture, and has had a long evolutionary process. The Western idea of beauty owes much to the ancient Greeks. The Greeks were among the first, in painting and sculpture, to articulate the standard that beautiful people are tall and short-waisted. The classical Greek figure is about 7 1/2 heads tall, a proportion that has remained more or less constant ever since. The statues at the French cathedral of Rheims, built in the 13th century, are about 7 1/2 heads tall, as are pictures of models in today's fashion magazines. Actually, many of today's fashion models are even skinnier and more short-waisted, a trend that seems have to developed in the second half of this century. That's why a man may be perfectly content with his partner's body, yet still swivel his head when a tall, short-waisted woman walks past. After all, men have been swiveling like that for more than 2000 years.

Finally, the media must shoulder its share of the blame. Few articles, for example, are written about how Oprah Winfrey built her massive business empire; instead, there are countless headlines about her diet and her boyfriend. The major women's magazines contain stories with descriptions usually in the first paragraph of women who are "stunning," have "classic good looks," and a "firm physique." Articles about men, on the other hand, rarely contain similar adjectives.

"This is all very discouraging," says J. Kevin Thompson, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of South Florida in Tampa who studies how women see their bodies. "I don't think there's any doubt that the media are more enamored of looks and appearance than of personal feelings and how women see themselves inside. What's more, it's gotten a lot worse in the past 10 or 15 years, with the increased growth of things like cable television."

Not only has the message changed, it has become louder. Twenty years ago, there was no MTV to showcase Madonna. Men who missed Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue didn't have any other choices; today, dozens of legitimate sports and sports-related magazines feature scantily clad women.

Despite the women's movement, an increased cultural emphasis on a healthy body image, and old-fashioned common sense, the media still insist that men like only tall, short-waisted women. One magazine aimed at the 20-something audience ran a feature article stating that body shape wasn't important in romantic relationships, yet the same issue's cover proclaimed the advantages of a sexy butt, slim thighs, and flat abs.

No wonder women are confused.

"We don't give men enough credit," says Alix Schwartz, Ph.D., a lecturer in women's studies at the University of California in Berkeley who specializes in feminism and pornography. "Men are people, too. There is not a man alive, who, given a choice between a two-dimensional, paper woman and a three-dimensional, real woman, wouldn't take the real woman."

That's a message most men fervently wish the women they care about would take to heart.