Talking sex with Bob Berkowitz

by Daphne R. Howland

Bob Berkowitz captured prestigious journalism awards for his reporting work for CNN, the Associated Press and Financial News Network, but has recently made a name for himself as the host of two sex-oriented talk shows. Based on knowledge he's gained from his listeners and as a journalist of the sexual realm, Berkowitz has also written two books, What Men Won't Tell You, But Women Need to Know and His Secret Life: Male Sexual Fantasies (see Resources section).

On his original cable television show Real Personal on CNBC and now for \"Love Bytes,\" a live weeknight (Mon-Fri, 9pm - Midnight) call-in show on eYada.com, Berkowitz interviews pornographic filmmakers, geriatric swingers and Tantric sex gurus in his quest to let the world know that adult, honest, consensual sex is simply \"OK.\"

Health Gate recently spoke to Berkowitz by telephone.

Health Gate: As a reporter you covered major events like the attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan and the Falklands War. And you've won major journalism awards. How did you go from journalist with a capital J to a sex talk show host?

Berkowitz: I didn't find it that much of a stretch because I approach the subject of sexuality like a [any good] reporter would. I like to joke around and say that as a White House correspondent, I used to cover people who are screwing the nation. Now I cover people who are just screwing.

Our show is designed to help people feel more comfortable about their sexuality. Since we have 15 hours a week to fill, we get to explore a large portion of the world of sexuality. The eYada show is somewhat different than Real Personal [the CNBC show] in the sense that I have much more freedom. The best way to put it is that I feel like I can really breathe.

That's exactly the reason. I have a chance to speak my mind, to ask questions that I think are important and not have to worry if I'm going to offend somebody. It's a tremendous amount of freedom.

On your show you have pretty intelligent conversation about pornography. That's not always true about call-in shows, particularly those about sex. How are you able to accomplish that?

It goes back to your original question. I approach sex from an honest, almost journalistic point of view. It's not that this is "serious journalism." But I have a philosophy about sex: I think it's an important part of life that a lot of us don't feel very comfortable about. So I like to treat it very matter-of-factly, and approach it as a normal part of your life. [I like to think that] it's as important to life as anything else, including family, friendships, spirituality, work. If we can make it normal, make it OK, maybe we won't be so nuts about it.

We [seem to] have this grand ambivalence about sex in this county. On the one hand we're very turned on and excited about it and on the other hand it scares the hell out of us. I'm in the business of trying to get people to be less scared of it—to be comfortable with it. But I do believe there's been a dramatic change in our attitudes toward sex in the United States that we've not yet acknowledged. I think we're in the midst of a second sexual revolution.

I think that the Internet has changed a lot of things about us and sex. Once you give people anonymity, they then have the courage to explore all kinds of areas about sex that they used to fear. They don't feel quite as isolated or alone. There's a whole world of folks out there who are just like them.

I'm not talking about people on the fringe at all. I am talking about average people who are exploring their sexuality. In America last year, there were 686 million erotic video tapes rented. It's no longer the province of dirty old men in raincoats; 30 % of those rentals were by women. I think the primary evidence that there's been a change in American attitudes toward sex is that Americans gave a collective shrug of their shoulders to the Bill-Monica affair. It's like we became French overnight (the French are notorious for "turning the other cheek" to the sexual exploits of their elected officials.) I think the people are ahead of the media on this, and I think a lot of it is the Internet and a lot of it is cable television.

But I'd rather talk to average people about their sexuality. That's so much more interesting to me. And one of the reasons I think I'm pretty good at this is because I'm not judgmental. Once you've met my three criteria—it's adult, it's honest, and it's consensual?then I'm OK with whatever you do. It may not be my cup of tea, but it's OK. If people want to jump up and down and get worked up about, say, swingers, I have to ask, "Who are they hurting?" It's totally consensual, totally adult and totally honest.

There's a greater variety out there, and a lot of them are being made to appeal to women and couples. Women are coming into their own sexuality, and that's the driving force behind this revolution. The majority of our e-mails come from women. It's interesting, the phone calls come from men and the e-mails come from women.

What's missing is a comfort level that gives us permission to enjoy and flex our sexuality; to make sure it's integrated into our lives. Sex is something that we often keep separate from our every-day life. Maybe we whistle for it or call it up every once in a while, when the need strikes. The fact is, though, that we're sexual beings all the time. It's just part of who we are.

Last year the state of Alabama tried to pass a law outlawing the sale of sex toys in their state. Later it was overturned in the courts, and I remember thinking to myself, \"What are they worried about? Killer dildoes on the streets of Birmingham? Vicious vibrators in Mobile?\" Heaven forbid someone should have a good time.

Like anything, there are good sex experts and not so good. I like [Dr.] Ruth a lot. She's a role model for me. If it weren't for Ruth I couldn't do I what I'm doing. I think she gave us permission to open up about sex and feel OK about it. She's a hero.

But I'd rather talk to average people about their sexuality. That's so much more interesting to me. And one of the reasons I think I'm pretty good at this is because I'm not judgmental. Once you've met my three criteria—it's adult, it's honest, and it's consensual—then I'm OK with whatever you do. It may not be my cup of tea, but it's OK. If people want to jump up and down and get worked up about, say, swingers, I have to ask, "Who are they hurting?" It's totally consensual, totally adult and totally honest.

They both try to curtail people's private sexual activities. And I just want to say, "It's none of your business." I'll say that to the government, I'll say that to the extreme feminists, and to the extreme conservative religious people: "Mind your own damn business."

They both try to curtail people's private sexual activities. And I just want to say, "It's none of your business." I'll say that to the government, I'll say that to the extreme feminists, and to the extreme conservative religious people: "Mind your own damn business."