The truth about orgasms

by Wendy J. Meyeroff

You've watched Dr. Ruth, read Cosmopolitan or Playboy, and The Joy of Sex is gathering dust in your bookcase. So you're pretty savvy when it comes to myths vs. facts about male and female orgasms, right? Well, just to be sure, we've devised a short quiz to help you separate fact from fiction.

1:True or False? The best way to bring both male and female partner to orgasm is through direct vaginal/penile contact.

2: True or False? Men always ejaculate when they reach orgasm.

3:True or False? The ability to have and enjoy an orgasm declines as men get older.

4:True or False? A woman who can't have an orgasm is frigid.

Answers can be found at the bottom of the page.

Although these questions seem rudimentary, the phenomenon of orgasm has been extensively studied. Researchers have just begun to discover that men and women have a variety of orgasms, and that there is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm. Mood, level of energy or fatigue, amount and type of foreplay, level of trust, and concurrent life events all have effects on the sensation of orgasm.

In men, orgasm depends almost entirely on stimulation of the penis. It is almost always accompanied by ejaculation of seminal fluid. As ejaculation occurs, a series of four or five contractions are followed by exquisitely pleasant sensations.

Some men have powerful physical reactions during orgasm accompanied by loud vocal sounds and thrashing body movements. Others have more tranquil, quiet orgasms, but most men probably experience a range of intensities between these two extreme reactions.

For many men, the main source of orgasmic pleasure is a powerful ejaculation. Other men experience a number of continued orgasmic sensations long after ejaculation. Still others may experience a pattern similar to the multiple orgasms of women a series of closely spaced mini-orgasms that climax with ejaculation.

Research generated from the personal experience of many women suggests that there are at least two types of female orgasm. The first originates in the clitoris. The second starts in the clitoris and spreads down into the vagina. This results in a more powerful orgasm than when the orgasm involves the clitoris alone. This type of orgasm is believed to result from stimulation of the G spot, which is located at the front wall of the vagina, and is accompanied by contractions of the uterus, vagina, and pelvic organs. As Jane C., a Boston resident reports, "this type of orgasm is an unbelievable, almost out-of-body experience.&quot

Some experts believe that the G spot exists only in some women. Others simply believe that the front wall of the vagina is very sensitive. And some experts believe that the whole concept of a G spot is absolutely ridiculous and serves only to precipitate feelings of inadequacy and anxiety among women.

If you're a woman, definitely. If you're a man under 30, probably. If you're a man over 30, maybe. After a major orgasm, men experience a "refractory period", during which erection is very difficult to initiate. Men under 30 have the ability to ejaculate frequently with only short resting periods; older men tend to need longer periods between erections. However, with practice and control, most men can extend their sexual cycles and enjoy several mini-orgasms before a final climax. Most men who experience multiple orgasms ejaculate only once.

Many women are capable of experiencing more than one orgasm during a single sex act. Instead of moving into the "resolution" or final stage of orgasm, they can remain highly aroused in a "plateau" phase. From here they can be stimulated to orgasm quickly and repeatedly.

Most researchers agree that there is no one "right" pattern of sexual response. What works, what feels good, and what connects partners to each other in mutual trust and love is what's "right."

1. False. "Before Masters and Johnson, most people thought that vaginal/penile contact was the only way to reach orgasm", explains Jack Porter, Ed.D., a psychologist in Wynnewood, PA. But all the experts agree that vaginal stimulation is generally the least effective way to arouse a woman. Most women are far more sensitive to clitoral stimulation. Ultimately, says Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., author of For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy, orgasm is a full body response. Some people become orgasmic just through nipple stimulation, or massages, or even their fantasies. "Site doesn't determine orgasm", says Barbach.

2.False. "This is a MAJOR myth", says Dr. Porter. Ejaculation and orgasm are two separate functions in the male body, he notes. They just USUALLY happen together. After age 40, many men don't ejaculate as much and some eventually not at all. But orgasms do still occur just as they do in women who have gone through menopause and are no longer ovulating.

3.False. The ability to enjoy an orgasm remains the same, regardless of age. The question is whether a man lets himself enjoy it. If he's worried about ejaculation he may not feel satisfied. Sharon Nathan, Ph.D., clinical assistant professor of psychology at New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center, admits that "everything slows down with age...and also with use. But there's no age where it can't happen anymore...it just may take longer." Barbach compares it to a runner who jogs vigorously as a young person but takes more pleasure in walking as aging occurs. Barbach adds that as both men and women age, "The orgasm may be less intense, but that doesn't mean the satisfaction lessens".

4.False. Women may assume that if they don't have orgasms, they must be "frigid", an antiquated term for an inability to enjoy sex. However, if women become lubricated during sex, then sexual arousal has occurred; orgasm is not a pivotal component of sexual fulfillment. Ultimately the experts say the psychological component the feeling of pleasuring and being pleasured is what's really critical to sexual fulfillment.